Posts Tagged ‘thatswhatisaid’

So, I read The Onion pretty regularly, and try to share some of its greatest hits as much as I can. There’s nothing quite like the crazy, farcical writing that’s their stock in trade. Today, as I chomped down on an unholy, salt-laden protein-fest that was supposed to be good for me, I came across:

Gentries explained that it “didn’t take long” to find out as much about the tenets of Islam as he needed to. He said he knew Muslims stoned their women for committing adultery, trained for terrorist attacks at fundamentalist madrassas, and believed in jihad, which Gentries described as the thing they used to justify killing infidels.

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I know this is old, but like I said, I’ve been busy. I feel like I’ve missed my window to properly address the Cordoba House mess. But I had to at least address this mess somehow.

NYMAG: Obama ‘Recalibrates’ on Ground Zero Mosque

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Sack up, Barry.

That’s What I Said… In which I let someone else do the talking.

GleeA few months back, I wrote a diatribe about how Nip/Tuck creator Ryan Murphy let the show careen into soapy, camp shlock while he focused on getting Glee off the ground. Stats show it’s one of the most consistently popular posts on MadTues since its inception.

Well, NY Magazine’s Vulture blog has a name for the ailment that finally prompted Nip/Tuck‘s mercy killing. They’re calling it “Ryan Murphy Syndrome,” and they think Glee‘s showing early signs of infection. At first, it was a line item in a piece  predicting the show’s inevitable backlash:

October: Creator Ryan Murphy allows his more outlandish instincts to take over, much as he did with Nip/Tuck. Good-bye, glee-club competitions and fake pregnancies; hello, serial killer who murders for the cause of full instrumentation!

But in a new piece by Mary-Kaye Schilling, she names the disease, and focuses on its prevalence in Murphy’s work:

Murphy’s second TV series, Nip/Tuck, started showing symptoms toward the end of season two. (His first show, Popular, only lasted two seasons, but the seeds of destruction were beginning to sprout.) After fans embraced the fabulously daring, racy, and well-written show about two Miami plastic surgeons, they watched — at first with nervous discomfort, and soon outright dismay — as it jogged, then sprinted, into a soft-porn parody … for five more years. (Seriously, what was up with the serial killer who had no penis in season two?) The main characters — Drs. Christian Troy and Sean McNamara — started out as merely neurotic (one a narcissist, one a depressive), but by the end of season three they had devolved into grotesque cartoons. Murphy’s approach was like that of a comic who thinks, “If a joke works, then telling it again five times — loudly and more broadly — will make it work even better.”

I’m not a Glee fan, by any stretch of the imagination. But I know a few people who adore the show, and I’m kinda tickled at the thought of them losing their baby, like I lost Nip/Tuck. Yeah, I’m a small, small man in that respect.

I’d love to stay and chat, but I’m determined to be done with the Battlestar Galactica reboot this month. I’m as far in as Season 4.5, and it’s kinda awful. The 3rd-Season Curse lives on.

 READ: GLEE SHOWS DANGEROUS SIGNS OF RYAN MURPHY SYNDROME

That’s What I Said… In which I let someone else do the talking.

Bionic

UPDATE: Now also references a brilliant piece by Eric Henderson of Slant.

Rich Juzwiak is one of my favorite music critics (behind Andy Kellman and occasionally Chet Betz). This is partly because he covers drivel like Christina Aguilera so I don’t have to, but I can always trust his views to be 90% in line with mine.

In his review of “Bionic”, Aguilera’s latest effort at focus-group edge, he suggests that, contrary to its title, this is Aguilera at her most human. Why?

It is desperate for attention (even for the inherently attention-desperate medium of pop music), hopelessly nostalgic (…), cynically provocative… and flawed even when pondering flaws (“I Am” regurgitates the theme of Back to Basics‘ “Save Me From Myself” so much that the I’m-an-asshole-but-love-me-anyway sentiment is now a Christina cliche).

And in half a graf, he perfectly encapsulates what has bothered me about this very gifted vocalist for a decade, now (bold emphasis mine):

 I don’t get the sense that Christina is particularly passionate about any of her disco/house/dubby/adult contemporary/hip-hop dabbling (most of it should be gone next album), but then I wouldn’t get that sense, anyway: I consider her the most fraudulently soulful singer of her time. I’ve yet to buy a word that’s come running out of her mouth. Technically impressive as they may be, her screams of passion just sound like screams to me.

Slow clap. I’ve referred to her brand as “manufactured soul” for the better part of the last decade, but Rich puts it far more articulately.

Still, I can’t say I agree with his track picks. The only cut I found tolerable was “Sex for Breakfast”, which falls short because it’s at best, a poor man’s “Loving Me 4 Me”… and it’s called “Sex for Breakfast”.

But why ruin it for you? Go read it all at FOURFOUR.

Before I go, I’m gonna ask you to contrast this with the review from AMG’s Stephen Thomas Erlewine — the greatest living argument that music critics are a bunch of self-important idiots whose opinions aren’t worth the paper they’re written on. AMG is a web-only publication.

That man is a living bedpan.

UPDATE: And here’s what Eric Henderson of Slant had to say about Bionic:

If analogies fail, boy does she make her bid to grab the gays back from the clutches of Gaga explicit. Considering “I Hate Boys” (except the ones who kiss boys) is closer than I ever thought Christina would ever come to recording a Daphne Aguilera track, it’s ironically also one of many tracks on Bionic that sound tailor-made to accompany the opening credits of Johnny Weir’s forthcoming reality show. None more so, though, than the masquerade ball that is “Glam,” a top-heavy cocktail that mixes one part “Vogue” with two parts “Technologic” and serves with a snap.

Read it all at SLANT

That’s What I Said… In which I let someone else do the talking.

Late last night, I got the following spontaneous outburst from my friend DJ, At Law,

It’s All Gone to Hell

No, not because District of Columbia high school “students demand bigger, better condoms” to prevent the nation’s second-most endowed teen populace (and their partners) from HIV and unwanted pregnancy, but because you can sign up for alerts when reality shows are casting! 

http://www.realitywanted.com/

Are you a Norwegian oxen-handler who’s always wanted to be a supermodel?  A Christian Pole Dancer? (If you don’t believe me, google it.)  A federal judge with a penchant for pickled pig lips?  A Male-to-Female Post-Op Transsexual with a new-found eating disorder on account of your estrogen-enhanced thunder thighs and so-called “Junk in the Trunk?”  A Mormon convert from Judaism with different children raised in each faith residing under one roof during your menopause?  An 8-year-old pianist/genius akin to Mozart with an embarrassing Vicodin addiction and more embarrassing (in this day and age) speech impediment?  Basically, if your life is a mad lib, there is hope for you yet.  Hope of the 15-minute variety.

Anyway, because of my need to read extensively about any new habit acquired (so that I don’t lose sight of real reality (not “reality”)), I’m in the middle of this book now:

http://www.citylights.com/book/?GCOI=87286100828760

I’ve read about shows where parents send their pre-pubescent children away to be on reality TV away from home for 40 days and nights and sign away any liability resulting from death or sexually transmitted disease; shows where people are promised “fame” (not cash– “fame”) in exchange for subjecting themselves to solitary confinement for longer than any other contestant (and going mad in the process); where people agree to swim with “crocodiles” (who are in fact dummies but equally traumatize the contestants); where people submit their children to examination by one of these horrible child-stars-gone-terribly-wrong so that said now-fucked-up-adult can tell their kids how to become famous, and it is all considered fair play because every of-age participant is a willing participant.  People have committed suicide or been killed (see Jenny Jones) as a result.  “We” (i.e., the Neilson-ratings families) still don’t mind watching it.

Without fully getting into my horror at the amount of attention and focus given last night to as vapid a program as Lost (which was the subject of every group email I received today and which apparently brought people to tears last night but had them posting “that actually sucked” this morning– I can make no claim either way, as I only watched it when bed-ridden in 2008 after pretty serious abdominal surgery and duly turned it off once I could manage walking over to the TV), I will say I am again disappointed.  Every attempt to re-integrate myself into society is met with a perfectly reasonable explanation for why I spend most of my free time in self-imposed exile reading Mark Twain and waxing scholastic.  Frasier anyone?

This country went to hell ten years ago this summer. The problem is the average American no longer needs sunblock.

That’s What I Said… In which I let someone else do the talking.

Last night, I met up with my friend Erik for a couple drinks. Somewhere between the third beer and fourth scotch, talk turned to the current Apple mess. Turns out he and the other folks at DigitalFacePalm have some pretty strong opinions on this too.

I am getting so tired of Apple.  They have slowly become the kind of business they rose up against in the 80’s.  Their whole spiel back in the day was to RISE UP against conformity.  Innovation was the key to their success, simplicity and innovation is what made people switch to the Apple side…

They want developers who write Apps for the, i-insertproductname, to use Apple ONLY tools.  This means that developers who write an App for an Apple product, would have to literally re-write said App to be used on, the Android market let’s say.  This makes it very difficult for developers to get their intellectual property out in the market, to other devices.  Isn’t Apple the one always bitching about intellectual property?  Man these guys are such hypocrites! 

Why should Apple push a developer into a corner? Why does Apple need to have an Apple ONLY fart app?  Why can’t the developer write it in a universal language that can easily be ported to another platform?  I guess if you make it hard enough, these developers will ONLY develop for you, and nobody else.  Good business strategy.  Lock everyone in a closet Apple!!!

You know what?  Apple is scared of third-party innovation.  They want EVERY Apple product owner to be locked in their world.  You’ll see the world as Apple wants you to.  It starts off small, they don’t think you need Flash, it’s too resource hungry.  Well, why don’t YOU innovate Apple?  Why do WE have to bend over for YOU?  If the customer keeps making concessions just because it’s Apple and their “cool”.  Pretty soon, your Mackbooks are going to have to go through an Apple proxy server, just to make sure you’re going to an Apple approved site.

Tell ’em why you mad, son. Read the rest here.