Posts Tagged ‘seriously?’

Remember that bowtie-wearing little dweeb John Stewart fed his own ass in his own house back in 2004? No? Can’t say I blame you.

Well, taking a page from Napster-era high-school girls, Carlson just totally wrote a series of outrageous emails to a Philly journalist, pretending to be Keith Olbermann. Take that, betch!

HUFFPO: TUCKER CARLSON SENT EMAILS POSING AS KEITH OLBERMANN



Now, this just ain’t right. I’m all for not expecting the world to give your country’s tragedies the same weight as you do, but damn. And on the anniversary of her death, too? Cold, muthafucka. Cold.

Take a look.

ON ANNIVERSARY OF HER DEATH, DIANA SHOWN IN UNDIES

That’s right, motherfuckers. You read right.

Werepanthers.

Not just werewolves, anymore.

Werepanthers.

My Groovy Goolies squad is almost complete.

Single Woman...So the other day, I ran into a promo for USA’s new show for the second time in about as many days.

My first impression? I’m kinda insulted.

I’m not really into blondes, but I want to hope that if it was a really hot, dark-haired chick, I’d feel as irritated and amused by the ad as I do now.

We’re presented with a sexy blond with a killer body, pouting to camera as she holds a gun. She’s in a skin-tight outfit that shows off her drum-tight body. Ooh, and looka the heels on those little feet of hers! Oh shit, and the zippers??! Total freak!

At this point, your sister walks into the room. (Damn, why won’t mom let you put a lock on that door?) She sees the pretty blond girl. Wait a minute — look at the fierce look on her face! That’s not a girl — that’s a woman! And look at her outfit! Pretty sweet. Killer heels, too. She totally isn’t the type to take any mess from a man. She’s a total feminist, like Christina or Gaga or KE$h@! Omg! (more…)

Hi, Snoop. The name’s merq. Big fan.

Now seriously, dude. This is why I keep saying you should have retired in the late ’90s. You gave it a go, made your mark. You would’ve gone out with some dignity. Sure, we would’ve been deprived such gems as”Drop it Like It’s Hot”,  “Perfect”, “Special”, and the near-classic “Beautiful”. But one needs only look at the names of the latter three to get a glimpse of your diminished creativity.

“Beautiful”, “Perfect” and “Special” are essentially the same song. It just gets softer in percussion and rhythm with each reiteration — kinda like recording over the same audio tape over and over. (Remember those?)  Also suffering each time you dip back in that well is lyricism. Sample lyrics from “Special”:

I picture this love affair, of ours/ To last a lifetime, just like flowers…
See I ain’t never blow no cheese /Or done no songs like these/ I love the air that you breathe /You know why?

The problem is, of course, that you have done songs like these. Twice before. And “last a lifetime, just like flowers”?? C’mon, man! You know you didn’t write that shit. Your album advance, rhyming dictionary, and a bag of weed deserve that writing credit.

And while we’re on the subject of weed. Doesn’t it bother you that you’ve been reduced to the sleepy-eyed, “izzle”-ating Hip-Hop High Times poster boy? I understand and wholeheartedly support playing with your image, but you’ve gone from West-Coast Gangsta to Retro Gangster to Retro Pimp Pastiche played for laughs. It’s like you watched the “Doggy Dogg World” video sometime in 2001 and, noticing how many laughs it got from label folk, decided this would be you for the next ten years.

Dude, it’s not funny.

You used to be a talented rapper. You had relevance. Now, you’re like a black Shaggy who lets Scooby write his rhymes for him. Why does it have to be this way? I mean, on cuts like “…World” and “Sexual Eruption”, the whole shtick works because it is clearly a shtick. But being this buffoon 24/7? Dude, we deserve better. We clear?

Alright, now we’ve got that settled, I want you to promise me shit like this will never happen again, either.

 

Thanks, man.

-mQ

A part of me dies whenever I see one of these youth-targeted ads. I always wonder why nobody in the room is willing to raise his hand and say to the room, “that’s kind of a bad idea.” I’ve done it before. In one case, when I was brand new to advertising. To one of the partners. It’s the reason they want young blood in advertising — to save them from looking like out-of-touch idiots.

So please, members of the coveted 18-34 demographic. If you’re ever in a brainstorming session and someone suggests a “hip,” “trendy,” or “urban” way to sell crap to your peers, clear your throat and let him/her know: bad idea.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way… Seriously, Bleek. That bad? I guess that inheritance from Jay isn’t putting food on your table today.

Also, should that ad be pitching Piperlime so hard?