Posts Tagged ‘deathtoautotune’

It happens to almost every female Pop artist. There comes  a moment when she decides to infuse her sound and image with a new sexuality, supposedly borne out of some newfound confidence. When it’s an artist with actual undisputable talent, it’s usually tasteful, if titilating (although there are some awkward exceptions). Then you’ve got the attention-seekiing, rite-of-Disney-passage hoe-down that seems to lure everyone who isn’t so Raven.

But the funniest has to be the when this sexual awakening magically coincides with the failure of an artist’s last few singles to do any real business at radio or retail. It befell Christina Milian (masterfully), Ciara (somewhat less so), and now it’s got Keri Hilson in its patent leather clutches. (more…)

That’s What I Said… In which I let someone else do the talking.


UPDATE: Now also references a brilliant piece by Eric Henderson of Slant.

Rich Juzwiak is one of my favorite music critics (behind Andy Kellman and occasionally Chet Betz). This is partly because he covers drivel like Christina Aguilera so I don’t have to, but I can always trust his views to be 90% in line with mine.

In his review of “Bionic”, Aguilera’s latest effort at focus-group edge, he suggests that, contrary to its title, this is Aguilera at her most human. Why?

It is desperate for attention (even for the inherently attention-desperate medium of pop music), hopelessly nostalgic (…), cynically provocative… and flawed even when pondering flaws (“I Am” regurgitates the theme of Back to Basics‘ “Save Me From Myself” so much that the I’m-an-asshole-but-love-me-anyway sentiment is now a Christina cliche).

And in half a graf, he perfectly encapsulates what has bothered me about this very gifted vocalist for a decade, now (bold emphasis mine):

 I don’t get the sense that Christina is particularly passionate about any of her disco/house/dubby/adult contemporary/hip-hop dabbling (most of it should be gone next album), but then I wouldn’t get that sense, anyway: I consider her the most fraudulently soulful singer of her time. I’ve yet to buy a word that’s come running out of her mouth. Technically impressive as they may be, her screams of passion just sound like screams to me.

Slow clap. I’ve referred to her brand as “manufactured soul” for the better part of the last decade, but Rich puts it far more articulately.

Still, I can’t say I agree with his track picks. The only cut I found tolerable was “Sex for Breakfast”, which falls short because it’s at best, a poor man’s “Loving Me 4 Me”… and it’s called “Sex for Breakfast”.

But why ruin it for you? Go read it all at FOURFOUR.

Before I go, I’m gonna ask you to contrast this with the review from AMG’s Stephen Thomas Erlewine — the greatest living argument that music critics are a bunch of self-important idiots whose opinions aren’t worth the paper they’re written on. AMG is a web-only publication.

That man is a living bedpan.

UPDATE: And here’s what Eric Henderson of Slant had to say about Bionic:

If analogies fail, boy does she make her bid to grab the gays back from the clutches of Gaga explicit. Considering “I Hate Boys” (except the ones who kiss boys) is closer than I ever thought Christina would ever come to recording a Daphne Aguilera track, it’s ironically also one of many tracks on Bionic that sound tailor-made to accompany the opening credits of Johnny Weir’s forthcoming reality show. None more so, though, than the masquerade ball that is “Glam,” a top-heavy cocktail that mixes one part “Vogue” with two parts “Technologic” and serves with a snap.

Read it all at SLANT

So, I finally got around to watching Weeds the other day. Being the anal-retentive asshole I am, I don’t watch shows unless I started from Season 1, Ep 1. This means most shows are Netflix/Internet deals when I have the time. Anyway, I’m up to Season 4 now, and here’s what I’ve learned so far:

  1. She’s a white chick who sells drugs. Gets her entire family involved in it. Including her kids. But she’s just doing what she has to to get by. And by get by, I mean maintain her middle-class suburban lifestyle. Not like those other folks who sell drugs.
  2. Everyone wants to bang this chick. Seriously, not since Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU have I seen a character so constantly reminded how hot and totally bangable she is. I mean, she’s actually quite attractive and has a sweet body (being that she looks just like my boy’s girlfriend, I’ll stop there), I’ll give them the occasional comment. But this chick must have the “Mariska Clause” written into her contract, ensuring she’s reminded of her cornea-searing hotness at least once every two episodes.
  3. This show has the absolute WORST theme song ever put on Television. Being that I watched via Netflix, I got to hear this shit more times than I wanted. Honestly, by Episode 2, I wanted to strangle anyone in my immediate vicinity. Looks like I wasn’t the only one it offended, ’cause by Season 2, it was performed by a different artist for each episode. The song still sucked, but nowhere near as bad as the original version.

Tell me you don’t want to harm her children everytime she sings “ticky-tacky.”

No, not this. Well, that actually isn’t helping, either. But still…

So, I used to be the type who had to read in order to fall asleep. But moving to NYC almost a decade ago (yikes!) changed all that. With precious little time for recreational reading, and a seriously fatigued brain by the time I hit the sack, I developed the habit of having the TV as my sleep aid. As devoid of intellectual stimulation as late-night TV is, turn the volume down low enough and that shit’s about as soothing as a mother’s heartbeat is to an infant.

Still, this is prime advertising real-estate in both the Branding and Direct Response spheres. You’re up late, so you’re likely more easily influenced in this fatigued state: BRANDING. You’re up late, so you’re likely to be a.) seeking some form of companionship, even if it’s a phone operator, or b.) filled with self-loathing for some reason. So make that call now — before the 10-minute special window runs out! DIRECT RESPONSE. Hey, I’m not against late-night advertising. Or even late-night fitness ads. I owe my present undeniable sexy to it. I got serious and changed gyms hours after a 4AM viewing of an extended Bally’s ad. (more…)