Archive for the ‘Television’ Category

Remember that bowtie-wearing little dweeb John Stewart fed his own ass in his own house back in 2004? No? Can’t say I blame you.

Well, taking a page from Napster-era high-school girls, Carlson just totally wrote a series of outrageous emails to a Philly journalist, pretending to be Keith Olbermann. Take that, betch!

HUFFPO: TUCKER CARLSON SENT EMAILS POSING AS KEITH OLBERMANN


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I don’t like Bill Maher. He’s a pompous jackass with some problematic ideas regarding race. But damned if I didn’t nod my neck sore, watching this “New Rules” segment on the Stewart/Colbert rally.

While I only partly agree with his critique of the Comedy Central duo (specifically the false equivalence of the Olbermann/Beck parallels), he’s definitely reading from my most private journal when he rips on the Democrats for waiting patiently for reason to return to the Republican party like a little latchkey kid who swears Poppa will be back any minute now. He just went to buy some smokes. Three weeks ago.

Here’s a bit of what Maher had to say:

“The message of the rally, as I heard it, was that, if the media stopped giving voice to the crazies on both sides, then maybe we could restore sanity. It was all nonpartisan and urged cooperation with the moderates on the other side forgetting that Obama tried that and found out…there are no moderates on the other side. When Jon announced his rally, he said the national conversation was dominated by people on the Right who believe Obama’s a Socialist and people on the Left who believe 9/11’s an inside job, but I can’t name any Democratic leaders who think 9/11’s an inside job. But Republican leaders who think Obama’s a Socialist…all of them.”

To read more and watch the video, check out Mediaite’s take on the the segment:
MEDIAITE: Bill Maher Disses The Daily Show Rally: It’s Better To Have A Rally That’s “About Something”

That’s right, motherfuckers. You read right.

Werepanthers.

Not just werewolves, anymore.

Werepanthers.

My Groovy Goolies squad is almost complete.

Sigh.

All month, The CW has been teasing the arrival of Nikita, its upcoming “erotic espionage thriller.” Here to give the “plucky female heroine” of USA’s Covert Affairs a run for the dollar bills stuffed down her bra, Nikki is a rebooted version of previous Hot-Chicks-With-Guns favorite La Femme Nikita. Always loved that show… When will folks realize that giving a tawdry product a French name only makes it sleazier. What’s the old adage? Ahh, yes… “La Fleur de Sexe by any other name would probably smell a little less like the laundry hamper at Rumps & Pumps.”

Anyway, who is Nikita? She apparently was an assasin who worked for The Government™, was Betrayed by her Bosses™, and has now Gone Rogue™ in a sexxxy quest for revenge.

(more…)

Andrew Breitbart, far-right media blowhard and Karl Rove/Lee Atwater fetishist, most famous for the scandal he fabricated about community organizing group ACORN, may have finally been caught in the act.

A few days ago, he released a clip of USDA official Shirley Sherrod seemingly regaling the crowd at a local NAACP event with the tale of her denying a white farmer the help he so sorely needed. The media was up in arms, brimming with appropriate outrage. So were the USDA and NAACP — the latter immediately condemned her actions and the former forced her to resign immediately (apparently insisting she tender her resignation from wherever she was, via Blackberry).

As it turns out, Breitbart only showed a fraction of her 40-minute speech. Not only did that apparent abuse of power happen in the late ’80s, and not during her USDA tenure, but there was no abuse of power. The selected portion of her speech was part of a larger one in which she explains how she went from considering whites less disenfranchised (and thus, less deserving of her help) than blacks, to deciding that poor whites were getting shafted just as much as blacks were. She then goes on to detail her efforts to save this white farmer from the lawyer who was supposed to be helping him save his farm (also white, seeing as we’re playing Racial Bingo here), and spends the rest of the video preaching racial unity and co-operation with a touching sincerity. (more…)

Single Woman...So the other day, I ran into a promo for USA’s new show for the second time in about as many days.

My first impression? I’m kinda insulted.

I’m not really into blondes, but I want to hope that if it was a really hot, dark-haired chick, I’d feel as irritated and amused by the ad as I do now.

We’re presented with a sexy blond with a killer body, pouting to camera as she holds a gun. She’s in a skin-tight outfit that shows off her drum-tight body. Ooh, and looka the heels on those little feet of hers! Oh shit, and the zippers??! Total freak!

At this point, your sister walks into the room. (Damn, why won’t mom let you put a lock on that door?) She sees the pretty blond girl. Wait a minute — look at the fierce look on her face! That’s not a girl — that’s a woman! And look at her outfit! Pretty sweet. Killer heels, too. She totally isn’t the type to take any mess from a man. She’s a total feminist, like Christina or Gaga or KE$h@! Omg! (more…)

Hi, Snoop. The name’s merq. Big fan.

Now seriously, dude. This is why I keep saying you should have retired in the late ’90s. You gave it a go, made your mark. You would’ve gone out with some dignity. Sure, we would’ve been deprived such gems as”Drop it Like It’s Hot”,  “Perfect”, “Special”, and the near-classic “Beautiful”. But one needs only look at the names of the latter three to get a glimpse of your diminished creativity.

“Beautiful”, “Perfect” and “Special” are essentially the same song. It just gets softer in percussion and rhythm with each reiteration — kinda like recording over the same audio tape over and over. (Remember those?)  Also suffering each time you dip back in that well is lyricism. Sample lyrics from “Special”:

I picture this love affair, of ours/ To last a lifetime, just like flowers…
See I ain’t never blow no cheese /Or done no songs like these/ I love the air that you breathe /You know why?

The problem is, of course, that you have done songs like these. Twice before. And “last a lifetime, just like flowers”?? C’mon, man! You know you didn’t write that shit. Your album advance, rhyming dictionary, and a bag of weed deserve that writing credit.

And while we’re on the subject of weed. Doesn’t it bother you that you’ve been reduced to the sleepy-eyed, “izzle”-ating Hip-Hop High Times poster boy? I understand and wholeheartedly support playing with your image, but you’ve gone from West-Coast Gangsta to Retro Gangster to Retro Pimp Pastiche played for laughs. It’s like you watched the “Doggy Dogg World” video sometime in 2001 and, noticing how many laughs it got from label folk, decided this would be you for the next ten years.

Dude, it’s not funny.

You used to be a talented rapper. You had relevance. Now, you’re like a black Shaggy who lets Scooby write his rhymes for him. Why does it have to be this way? I mean, on cuts like “…World” and “Sexual Eruption”, the whole shtick works because it is clearly a shtick. But being this buffoon 24/7? Dude, we deserve better. We clear?

Alright, now we’ve got that settled, I want you to promise me shit like this will never happen again, either.

 

Thanks, man.

-mQ