4 Other Ways Beyoncé Could Have Announced Her Pregnancy

Posted: August 30, 2011 by RA in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Excerpted at Soulbounce

Belly Rub

As we all know by now, Beyoncé revealed her pregnancy to the world at the VMAs on Sunday night, proudly rubbing her protruding belly at the end of her “Love On Top” performance.
While we congratulate music’s most powerful couple on their successful conception of the Chosen One, we can’t help wondering if she could have done a better job with the big reveal.

So, because we know the number 4 means a lot to the parents-to-be, let’s look at four other ways she could have shared her joy.

1. She puts on a sassy, spirited performance of “Run The World (Girls),” complete with her fembot army and elaborate choreography. True to form, it’s an epic set that builds in intensity until she yells that final “Who run the world? GIRLS!!” Here, she points to her belly as copies of her sonogram rain down from the rafters for the entire audience to get a first glimpse of Babyoncé.

2. She pours herself into another gut-wrenching performance of “1+1,” only this time it adds up to three…and not because of her admitted ignorance in the field of algebuh. (Bonus album-promo points if it adds up to four, as the jumbotron behind her shows an ultrasound of twins.)

3. Bee, in pigtails and a little babydoll dress (short enough to reveal her glittery Dolce & Gabbana diaper), performs a bizarre medley of “Naughty Girl” and “If I Were A Boy” in her best Shirley-Temple-as-Mae-West voice. Only after a two-minute interlude of incessant spinning and thumb-sucking does a bewildered audience realize that their favorite Pop star is trying to tell them something.

4. A reprisal of her energetic “Get Me Bodied” performance, acting out exactly how she got…bodied. Similar to her new version used in the “Move Your Body” campaign withFirst Lady Michelle Obama, this showing will feature new lyrics and choreography. Here, the Swizz Beatz production is repurposed as a conception-themed party jam with instructions such as, “Mission 8! Inseminate! And I cross my fangas, hoping that my genes dominate, hey!” — courtesy ChrisAlexander @ SoulBounce

Now, here are a few approaches we’re glad she didn’t take:
1. A “Kitty Kat” / “Work It Out” lamaze medley
2. A “Lay Up Under Me” / “Love On Top” Sex-Ed class
3. A NuvaRing-sponsored PSA against teen pregnancy
4. Anything involving “Best Thing I Never Had” or “Rather Die Young”

Again, congratulations to the happy couple. We’ll definitely be watching the skies on April 4 next year.


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