Keri Hilson Hits Awkward Career Puberty Phase

Posted: November 29, 2010 by RA in "The Media", Music
Tags: , , , ,

It happens to almost every female Pop artist. There comes  a moment when she decides to infuse her sound and image with a new sexuality, supposedly borne out of some newfound confidence. When it’s an artist with actual undisputable talent, it’s usually tasteful, if titilating (although there are some awkward exceptions). Then you’ve got the attention-seekiing, rite-of-Disney-passage hoe-down that seems to lure everyone who isn’t so Raven.

But the funniest has to be the when this sexual awakening magically coincides with the failure of an artist’s last few singles to do any real business at radio or retail. It befell Christina Milian (masterfully), Ciara (somewhat less so), and now it’s got Keri Hilson in its patent leather clutches.

This, I think, is what cracks me up so much about Hilson’s latest small-screen adventure. She’s still got a career. Sure, the buzz singles from her upcoming album No Boys Allowed (a teasing come-on title akin to a faux lesbian makeout, if there ever was one) have all bricked, but to release this? Are folks that worried at Interscope?

Honestly, that shit’s funnier than the ahead-of-its-time “Spectacular”.

But awkward attempts at sexiness aside… Actually, let’s talk about the awkard attempts at sexiness. I kept wondering  why I wasn’t turned on by any of it. “What the fuck is wrong with me?”, I asked. I mean, this chick licked doors, made it pop, and got her Jane Fonda upside-down bicycle on.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Yet, I was bored stiff (where I should have been stiff as a board). She isn’t a remarkable dancer, so her moves didn’t do it for me. The song itself is pure, generic garbage that sounds like a reject from Brooke Valentine’s 2004/5/whenever album. The video concept was a collection of caper flick clichés, blended into an incomprehensible mess. I mean, I liked the set-up well enough — Keri, along with Dawn “Indistinguishable from the Other One” Richard and JoJo (for those who care) are assassisns trained by Faith Evans (for whom I care, despite a shitty album), on a mission to take out Hilson’s ex/lover. Turns out the punishment they had in mind was Death by Snoo-Snoo, as the final showdown goes from Mexican standoff to some half-assed handcuff play in the space of ten confusing, utterly unremarkable seconds. Quite frankly, I was over it before it got started.

Look, I’m not against a pop star being overtly sexual. Hell no! Rather, I welcome it. But I reserve the right to mock you while appreciating your hellicopter game. I just think it’s wise to sex it up when your career’s at its peak. Ask Janet, Mariah, Beyoncé. It’s much more believable when you say your sexification is about being true to yourself when the whole world’s at your feet.

 Now, I feel it’s only right to let the outgoing Miss Unintentionally Hilarious Sexuality take her last walk as queen.

Kiely Williams  – Spectacular

  1. KayBee says:

    Man, I thought the video was on it…I’ve been a fan since “The Way I Are,” and I personally think it’s time Miss Keri Baby sullies her “pretty much good girl” image. If she wants to be all sexed up in the video, go for it; it’s an all sexed up song (not quite sure if she’s saying “thug me” or “f**k me”), so it fits. I thought it was entertaining and sexy as hell….as long as this doesnt become habit, I’m good!!!

  2. idia says:

    haaaaaahahaaaaaah @ the kiely williams video, i couldn’t watch the whole thing thru my tears from laffin, she has bad friends!

    Oh Lord be an acting coach for all the people in the keri video, (would u have skinny ass llyod as ur body guard?) and jojo! for real?. Exhale…………, its all one BIG hot ass mess, at least wen ciara does it we can appreciate her dancing plus she can make her booty wink or slap her own butt. Keri looks like she’s counting “1,2, climb on the door, 3,4 now swing side to side, i vote booooooo!

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