SERIOUSLY: Covert Affairs Bringing the Subtle Sexuality to Your Summer Lineup

Posted: July 14, 2010 by RA in "The Media", Advertising, Television
Tags: , ,

Single Woman...So the other day, I ran into a promo for USA’s new show for the second time in about as many days.

My first impression? I’m kinda insulted.

I’m not really into blondes, but I want to hope that if it was a really hot, dark-haired chick, I’d feel as irritated and amused by the ad as I do now.

We’re presented with a sexy blond with a killer body, pouting to camera as she holds a gun. She’s in a skin-tight outfit that shows off her drum-tight body. Ooh, and looka the heels on those little feet of hers! Oh shit, and the zippers??! Total freak!

At this point, your sister walks into the room. (Damn, why won’t mom let you put a lock on that door?) She sees the pretty blond girl. Wait a minute — look at the fierce look on her face! That’s not a girl — that’s a woman! And look at her outfit! Pretty sweet. Killer heels, too. She totally isn’t the type to take any mess from a man. She’s a total feminist, like Christina or Gaga or KE$h@! Omg!

In this single poster, USA has managed to hedge its bets on two seemingly opposing audiences — the young girls who think feminism is about wearing their tightest outfit to go out with “my girls,” and the pubescent boys whose attention they’ll court by making out with each other.

Even the copy is brilliant — The tagline “Single woman, Double life” plays into the post-Destiny’s Child, post-Sex & the City, “Independent Woman” idea of feminism. The kind that doesn’t require a real understanding of any core principles, just as long as you wax poetic about your “serious shoe fetish.” And then you’ve got Covert Affairs, a title so sophomoric in its attempts at titilation, it no doubt already belongs to an “erotic espionage thriller” on Cinemax. One that probably includes the wardrobe from this poster.

But then again, this is the USA Network, where subtlety goes to die. The home of Royal Pains, a show so utterly horrendous and brazenly insulting of your intelligence, you’ll find yourself cutting the eyes out of the few clippings you’ll find of its stars, and X-ing out their addresses in Maps to D-List Celebrity Homes. The characters are universally loathsome, especially Mark Feurestein as the self-righteous, Lisa Simpson-esque Dr. Hank Lawson, and Paulo Costanzo as an unbearable rehash of the decades-old motormouth cliché, always hatching some get-rich quick scheme. In fact, the only reason you’ll watch past the third minute is the icy-hot Reshma Shetty as Divya Katdare. Her lines are as bad as anyone’s (save for Costanzo), but she so aptly pulls off her hot, rich Brit-Desi Hamptonite persona, you’ll forgive all her transgressions.

But I digress.

After the embarassing mess that is Royal Pains and the meteor-like fall of the once-great 4400 (an example of the 3rd-season curse if there ever was one), I thought USA had fallen as low as it ever would — it’s essentially the place folks go to watch Law & Order: Criminal Intent. But this new venture should prove endless fodder for anyone willing to endure an episode in the name of gathering material.

Just as long as it doesn’t get canceled. I shouldn’t have to remind you what happened last time a show like this got cut off.
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  1. Raven says:

    I’m already betting that it gets canceled by the 5th episode. That show just reeks of awfulness.

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