Archive for April, 2010

Don’t act so surprised.



I hate infomercials. The shitty acting, the canned audience responses, the obnoxiously loud VO guy, the crappy products that are bound to crap out on you three days in, forcing you to return to dingleberry-weeding with a tiny pair of scissors… like a caveman.

The only reason my One True God still allows infomercials to exist is the “Your Current Product is Fucked” sequence, wherein you get to see suburbanites fuck up everyday tasks like Neanderthal Man. It’s like watching When Lobotomized Zombies Attack Pleasantville!!! at the old drive-in. Zombie Mary-Ellen can’t seem to figure out that she can’t open that jar of olives because she keeps trying to uncrew the lid with her palms. But what can she do? She hasn’t been quite right since that night she got more than she bargained for in the back of Bobby’s convertible at Makeout Point. 

Anyway, here we go. I’ve seen far funnier scenes in real infomercials, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna sit there and edit video for this shit.

Rich wishes he did this first. Like I said, I have no interest in slicing together hours of footage, so I’m gonna say I’m glad someone else did.

Steph: Ayngil or Debbil?You know what really grinds my gears? Racist assholes. You know what grinds my gears even more? Racist-asshole apologists and deniers. I swear to you, these days, it’s worse to call someone a racist than to actually do something racist. But I digress.

So, the other day, it was revealed that some chick at Harvard Law made a few interesting comments about the comparative intellectual capacities of blacks and whites.  (more…)

Battlestar GalacticaWhy does this show make me moist?

  1. It’s a drama, space-suits aside.
  2.  It’s full of beautiful people, but built around a character everyone calls “The Old Man,” with a face like a pumice stone.
  3. Sexy Cylon… the Cylon models are like Spice Girls — each one has its own persona… Wait, where was I?
  4. Ah, yes. Sexy Cylon dresses like a Jersey stripper named Champagne, in her formal-event finery.
  5. It doesn’t have plot twists for plot-twist sake.
  6. It doesn’t try for the ever-popular “social commentary” angle. Instead, it shows the good and (more often) bad of human nature. But I don’t feel like I’m watching an after-school special.
  7. Gorgeous Cylons! (And I mean the Centurions)

All in all, this is a brilliant fracking show. So good,  it leaves me with absolutely no curiosity about the original Galactica show.

OnLoop 4.29.10

Posted: April 29, 2010 by RA in Music, On Loop
Tags: , , ,

Gone Baby Don’t Be Long – E. Badu – 2010
The greatest thing on Nu Amerykah Part II. And there’s a lot that’s great about it. May 25. Got my tickets.

Bulletproof – Raheem Devaughn (feat. Ludacris) – 2010
Ludacris is only allowed one great song a year — maybe two. And it’s often someone else’s record. This is no exception. Raheem channels (and samples) Curtis Mayfield on this standout from his sickest album yet.

Wishing on a Star – Beyonce (cover) – 2004
I should know better, but I don’t. Damn Pandora.

Ugly Americans: Exhale

Posted: April 28, 2010 by RA in Television

This past February, As I ran around Manhattan handlin’ my bidness, I kept running across posters for the new Comedy Central Show, Ugly Americans. For the longest time, I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why, but the ads made me feel kinda good.

It was only after a week of enjoying them that it hit me. One day, as I pored over the characters in a subway ad, my brain kicked in. Urethra! Eureka! I realized why I was so comforted by the show: this looked like it would be the first new Comedy Central show in years that wouldn’t be racist in some way.

Yeah, think about it:

Daily Show. Colbert. Chappelle… all good. Then Mencia. Silverman. Dunham. Not just racist, but patently unfunny.

Having seen a few episodes of Ugly Americans, I can say authoritatively that it’s actually decently funny. It’s no Archer, but it’ll do. Then again, Archer was only Archer for like 65% of the season, so hey…

Anyway, judge for yourself.

Yeti in the Bathroom


So, I finally got around to watching Weeds the other day. Being the anal-retentive asshole I am, I don’t watch shows unless I started from Season 1, Ep 1. This means most shows are Netflix/Internet deals when I have the time. Anyway, I’m up to Season 4 now, and here’s what I’ve learned so far:

  1. She’s a white chick who sells drugs. Gets her entire family involved in it. Including her kids. But she’s just doing what she has to to get by. And by get by, I mean maintain her middle-class suburban lifestyle. Not like those other folks who sell drugs.
  2. Everyone wants to bang this chick. Seriously, not since Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU have I seen a character so constantly reminded how hot and totally bangable she is. I mean, she’s actually quite attractive and has a sweet body (being that she looks just like my boy’s girlfriend, I’ll stop there), I’ll give them the occasional comment. But this chick must have the “Mariska Clause” written into her contract, ensuring she’s reminded of her cornea-searing hotness at least once every two episodes.
  3. This show has the absolute WORST theme song ever put on Television. Being that I watched via Netflix, I got to hear this shit more times than I wanted. Honestly, by Episode 2, I wanted to strangle anyone in my immediate vicinity. Looks like I wasn’t the only one it offended, ’cause by Season 2, it was performed by a different artist for each episode. The song still sucked, but nowhere near as bad as the original version.

Tell me you don’t want to harm her children everytime she sings “ticky-tacky.”