4 Other Ways Beyoncé Could Have Announced Her Pregnancy

Excerpted at Soulbounce

As we all know by now, Beyoncé revealed her pregnancy to the world at the VMAs on Sunday night, proudly rubbing her protruding belly at the end of her “Love On Top” performance.
While we congratulate music’s most powerful couple on their successful conception of the Chosen One, we can’t help wondering if she could have done a better job with the big reveal.

So, because we know the number 4 means a lot to the parents-to-be, let’s look at four other ways she could have shared her joy.

Lenny Kravitz Gets “Black and White” And Graded All Over

Woooooooooooooooo!
That’s the sound of a man satisfied.

Since watching the teaser on YouTube, which showed 90 seconds of Lenny Kravitz (with sole collaborator Craig Ross) build the bass-and-synth masterwork “Superlove”, I knew I had to hear the full song. Slightly cheesy lyrics aside, it’s well worth the wait. And now, having finally sated that six-month hunger, we can finally assess Black and White America as a complete album.

Lenny Kravitz isn’t an album artist. Then again, he isn’t much of a singles artist either. And if the critics are to be believed, he isn’t Rock, and he’s not quite Soul. Born biracial into the strictly segregated American record industry, where Black equals Soul/R&B and White for some reason equals Rock n’ Roll, he’s been forced to exist in a strange nether region between the two worlds. Yes, he’s kinda like Saffronia that way

Finally, A Good Use for Twitter: Kenneth Cole’s Twitter Doppelganger Proves Fashion Can Be A Riot

I meant to post this earlier, but as with everything these lazy-yet-hectic days of winter wherein we’re left to suffer the vengeful wrath of our billionaire Emperor Bloomberg and the weather machine created by his team of captive scientists, I’m running a little behind.

Anyway, last week, designer(ish) Kenneth Cole sent out the following to his 11,000 Twitter followers:

Millions in uproar in #Cairo. Rumor is they heard our new spring collection is now available online at http://bit.ly/KCairo -KC

Chuck Norris Ain’t Got Shit on Prince

This is absolute brilliance.

FUNNY OR DIE: 40 PRINCE FACTS

Got my tickets. Next Saturday @ MSG, baby. And I’m a dude!



Keri Hilson Hits Awkward Career Puberty Phase

It happens to almost every female Pop artist. There comes  a moment when she decides to infuse her sound and image with a new sexuality, supposedly borne out of some newfound confidence. When it’s an artist with actual undisputable talent, it’s usually tasteful, if titilating (although there are some awkward exceptions). Then you’ve got the attention-seekiing, rite-of-Disney-passage hoe-down that seems to lure everyone who isn’t so Raven.

But the funniest has to be the when this sexual awakening magically coincides with the failure of an artist’s last few singles to do any real business at radio or retail. It befell Christina Milian (masterfully), Ciara (somewhat less so), and now it’s got Keri Hilson in its patent leather clutches.

I’d Expect Nothing Less From Mommy-Dressed-Me Carlson

Remember that bowtie-wearing little dweeb John Stewart fed his own ass in his own house back in 2004? No? Can’t say I blame you.

Well, taking a page from Napster-era high-school girls, Carlson just totally wrote a series of outrageous emails to a Philly journalist, pretending to be Keith Olbermann. Take that, betch!

HUFFPO: TUCKER CARLSON SENT EMAILS POSING AS KEITH OLBERMANN



That’s What I Said: Bill Maher on Democrats Still Chasing Bipartisan Cooperation

I don’t like Bill Maher. He’s a pompous jackass with some problematic ideas regarding race. But damned if I didn’t nod my neck sore, watching this “New Rules” segment on the Stewart/Colbert rally.

While I only partly agree with his critique of the Comedy Central duo (specifically the false equivalence of the Olbermann/Beck parallels), he’s definitely reading from my most private journal when he rips on the Democrats for waiting patiently for reason to return to the Republican party like a little latchkey kid who swears Poppa will be back any minute now. He just went to buy some smokes. Three weeks ago.

Here’s a bit of what Maher had to say:

“The message of the rally, as I heard it, was that, if the media stopped giving voice to the crazies on both sides, then maybe we could restore sanity. It was all nonpartisan and urged cooperation with the moderates on the other side forgetting that Obama tried that and found out…there are no moderates on the other side. When Jon announced his rally, he said the national conversation was dominated by people on the Right who believe Obama’s a Socialist and people on the Left who believe 9/11’s an inside job, but I can’t name any Democratic leaders who think 9/11’s an inside job. But Republican leaders who think Obama’s a Socialist…all of them.”

To read more and watch the video, check out Mediaite’s take on the the segment:
MEDIAITE: Bill Maher Disses The Daily Show Rally: It’s Better To Have A Rally That’s “About Something”

onLoop 11.03.10

N.E.R.D. - “Hypnotize U” – 2010
God in Heaven, this is some funky shit!

I first heard this about six weeks ago. Maybe it was my incredibly manic schedule at the time (hence the prolonged radio silence), but I didn’t really warm to it, despite my excitement at the production credit. Yes, this is the long-awaited reteaming of the Neps and Daft Punk, almost a decade after the spacey, dream-like “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” remix back in ’01. The drums thump hard, yet are so synthetic in sound, it’s like being throttled with a foam bat.  The synths are dreamy yet ’80s yet Euro. Pharrell makes the best use of his amateurish falsetto since “Frontin’”, finally meeting his full potential as Rick James’ super-freak heir apparent.

Something About Faith… That Grinds My Gears

Faith Evans is a talented singer. And songwriter. The woman can wail like none other, and is responsible for some classic party and Pop songs that we’ll remember for years to come. She was also at the center of the most sensational story in all Hip-Hop canon, as the wife of one third of its holy trinity and the alleged lover of another.

She also is a colossal tease. And kind of a hypocrite.  She spends entirely too much time explaining she technically isn’t Biggie’s widow (the two had separated at the time of his death), and she’s been remarried for over a decade. But then she peppers every other song with a winking Biggie reference that seems to stake her claim to her former position in Hip-Hop royalty.

Mariah Echoes Herself Yet Again With “Oh Santa!”

So, full disclosure: I love Mariah Carey. I think she’s a brilliantly talented vocalist, songwriter, and producer, and that makes up for her bizarre affectations and mannerisms that, frankly, do her no favors.

Also, I’ve pointed out in the past how her fixation on chart dominance makes her forego originality in favor of formula. Some would argue she did it once or twice in the ’90s, but I doubt any will dispute that since her comeback, the Ghost of Singles Past has been stuck in “We Belong Together” mode whenever she called him up for a recording session.